Members of a popular internet forum were quick to defend one bride-to-be who explained how her future mother-in-law (FMIL) has thrown a wrench in nearly all of her wedding plans.
In a viral post published on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/delicate-Issue4267 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said her patience has worn thin and detailed how her fiancé’s loyalty to his mother recently made the situation worse.
Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for blowing up at my fiancé for giving my FMIL our wedding coordinator’s number?” the post has received nearly 10,000 votes and more than 2,000 comments in the last day.
Writing that she’s included her future mother-in-law in as much of the wedding planning as possible, the original poster said that keeping her fiancé’s mom involved has become exhausting.
“She is so attached to him and is excited for our wedding,” OP wrote. “Ella She’d email me lists of questions about 5 or 6 times a week. Ella She’d ask me the same questions over and over.”
“It made me anxious and stressed out, [my fiancé] says that she just wants to make sure the wedding is ‘flawless’ and felt like some of the choices I made during wedding planning are…poor,” OP continued.
Further explaining that her future mother-in-law had plagued her previous wedding coordinator so much that she was forced to start a new with a different coordinator, the original poster said she was successful in keeping her plans secret—until her fiancé intervened.
“I ended up starting all over with a new wedding coordinator and completely getting FMI out of wedding planning process,” OP wrote. “FMIL lashed out at me and [my fiancé] said that I was being too hard.”
“Last week I found out that he went against my wishes and gave his mom our wedding coordinator contact info,” OP continued. “I blew up at him and told him he violated my boundaries and betrayed my trust.”
“He said it was no big deal and that his mom [genuinely] means no harm, even if [she] and I don’t agree most of the time,” OP added. “[He] keep[s] texting me saying I was overreacting and that I was being [too] hard on him and his mom.”
If there’s anything to be learned from the r/AmITheA**hole forum, it’s that overbearing mothers-in-law and well-planned weddings are sworn enemies.
From disagreements over every detail to disagreements about who they believe their child should—or shouldn’t—be marrying, many of the mothers-in-law described throughout the forum share one common trait: the desire to intervene in every decision.
Multiple wedding-related outlets, including The Knot, Brides and WeddingWire, have all published guides on how to handle intrusive in-laws throughout the planning process, as well as on the big day.
Wedding Wire, which features the largest directory of local wedding vendors in the United States, recommends that both brides and grooms set clear boundaries and roles for in-laws, while keeping in mind that the seeming need to interfere often comes from a place of excitement. .
In the viral Reddit post, however, the original poster acknowledged that her future mother-in-law’s behavior was rooted in enthusiasm. But where enthusiasm ends, obstruction begins—especially when enabled by a loved one.
Throughout the viral post’s comment section, Redditors assured the original poster she was justified in losing her temper and warned about how her fiancé’s behavior could foreshadow her married life.
“Welcome to your new life,” Redditor u/Eskabarbarian_1 wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 23,000 votes. “Expect her to ‘help’ organizing every aspect of her son’s life de ella in the future.”
“If you are lucky you might get to have some small bit of input as a [concession]. But it looks as if you are marrying two people,” they added, bluntly.
Redditor u/CrystalQueen3000, whose comment has received more than 5,500 votes, echoed that sentiment.
“You’re officially on notice,” they wrote. “He will prioritize his mother over you always. He’s dismissive of your boundaries and your feelings about her.”
“And it’s only going to get more complicated,” Redditor u/GroundbreakingPhoto4 added, receiving nearly 2,000 votes. “Imagine when they have kids, and MIL knows best.”
In a pair of separate comments, Redditors u/Pinkie_Flamingo and u/Clairegetit encouraged the original poster to reevaluate her relationship before taking any more steps towards a wedding.
“[Your fiancé] prioritizes his mom’s feeling above yours…[he] uses deceit and manipulation to accomplish a goal if you resist,” u/Pinkie_Flamingo wrote, receiving more than 4,000 votes. “These are severe, marriage-ending problems…You have a serious situation here. Don’t discount it as ‘wedding craziness’ if you want to avoid a decade of similar experiences.”
“I honestly would reconsider marrying this guy,” u/Claireget it added, receiving more than 1,300 votes. “Que [about] going to buy a house or have kids? He can’t stand up to his mum for you on this, will he ever stand up to her?”
Newsweek reached out to u/delicate-Issue4267 for comment.